I still feel hurt. I have been awake for over an hour and a half now, with nothing more to do than fart around.

I took a pregnancy test this morning, and for the first time in my history of taking pregnancy tests, I was sad to only see one line. I am in such a state to where I want to be married with kids it's killing me.

I still, of course, haven't told Brian about anything that I feel, and I am hoping that I have to the guts to do it soon, before I go insane.

Today is our 4 month anniversary. I seriously doubt he knows this, but I hope to refresh his memory this evening.

I still don't know how I am going to go about doing any of this. I am so scared of conflict.

I just realized that out of the 5 weeks I have been here in Nome, he has stayed in twice on a Saturday to play that fucking Everquest game. How much he plays it isn't healthy.

I want to talk to someone about how bad this all hurts me, but I don't know who to tell. I have worked up Brian so much that I am afraid to let anyone down about him, or even let them know I am feeling unhappy.

I wish I knew what to do.