love woes

Ever since I have been back to Nome, I have been having a hard time with Brian. I am hoping that the feeling of making a huge mistake will soon pass me by, and I will laugh at it later.

Tomorrow will be 4 months that we have been together. He still hasn't told me he loves me, nor have I, but I am leaving that to him, since he is obviously the one who needs to catch up in that department.

I am thinking that before I left, he was weary that there would be a chance I wouldn't be coming back, and therefore, he was more attuned to spending time with me.

Now, he doesn't really call me, or text me, which he didn't do much of when I was in TN. This doesn't help with my self esteem at all. I go over to his house almost every day, I spend the night over there. I have to cook dinner or do his laundry to get him to come over to my place. He hasn't stayed the night at my house since I have been in my new place. And it seems to me like sometimes, he wants to get as far away from me as possible.

I know he is comfortable with our relationship, but I think he is a little too comfortable. He plays his Everquest all the time. He plays it when I'm there, when I'm not there, in his sleep, etc... We haven't really had a night out since I have been back, except for one night out with his friend Josh and his friends that I don't really care for.

I want to be able to tell Brian all of this, but not start a fight, or propel him in another direction in which I am not in favor of.

H doesn't tell me I am pretty, or that I am beautiful. At least not since I have been back. It's like the 3 weeks I was gone the Brian that I wanted so badly went off somewhere, and the Brian that stayed behind is someone I don't even like.

He sleeps all the time. It's sleep, work, Everquest. He doesn't try to spend time with his daughter that much, or anyone for that matter. I am so worried about all of this lack of concern for anything. I am thinking maybe he is depressed. I know he has alot on his plate, which makes perfect sense.

I told him a few weeks ago that I was petrified that he would get bored with me and want to check out of the relationship. His response was that I would be the one to get bored first. Part of me thinks he is doing this on purpose to get me to break up with him, but the other half is telling me that I am being retarded and shouldn't think like that since I know he cares for me.

This is all just too much for me, and I am going crazy. I need to get it all out of my system and tell him, but the time to do it is never right. I love him with all of my heart, and I know I still want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I just have to work on trying to get the Brian I know is in there, out, and back with me.