bitches and backstabbers

It has recently come to my attention that there may possibly be a coup forming to petition that I don't get a permanent job here.

My friend Stephanie yesterday told me one of her clients had heard about it, and she felt the need to tell me. I am glad that she did. However, I did get extremely upset and I cried for over an hour, and I finally had to call Brian to calm me down.

Why would someone do this to me? Who are these people? What the hell did I do to deserve this?

I have decided that I would talk to Colleen about this first thing when she gets back from vacation. I am at the point where I am going to refuse to leave the state of Alaska until I get my offer letter and I sign it.

There is no reason for me to not get a job since it was approved by Angie Gorn who is VP of Hospital Operations to plead that I could work here since they do not hire LPN's.

I am being terribly paranoid and non trusting of everyone. This could be some retarded bullshit rumor that got out of hand and warped to no extent, but nonetheless, it is still going around and I feel threatened by it.

Hopefully, I will be able to talk to Colleen about it tomorrow and clear the air.

If I don't get to stay here, I don't know what I would do.

I don't want to live in Memphis.
I don't want to live with Mom and Dave.
I don't want to go back to working for shit money.
I don't want to run the risk of not finding a nursing job.
I want to go to school and get my RN.
I want to get out of debt and pay my student loans off.
I want to be independent.

And most importantly, I CANNOT lose Brian. If I did, I think I would die of a broken heart. He couldn't leave to be with me because of the divorce and Kalissa.
I would die inside.

my life with Brian

I haven't looked at my previous posts, but I figured I would update. We have been together now for 2 months, and it has already felt like an eternity. In a good way.
He has become my best friend, and I have truly fallen in love with him.

He treats me like a princess. He makes my heart jump a little every time I see him, even after 2 months. He looks at me in a way that I have never been looked at before that makes me know he cares about me, and I know his feelings are deep and true.

We have 'plans' to do all kinds of things for the summer, winter.... I am comfortable that we are pretty solid. We are actually in the beginning phases of planning a trip with Missy, Doug, and Brian and I to St. Louis and Memphis in the fall.

I am actually considering having Brian and I drive to Seattle to have my car shipped to Nome. I am hoping by that time we will be strong enough to probably get a place together here, that way we can save on bills, etc...


EXCEPT.....

Brian is in the midst of a nasty divorce with Marlene, who is the most vile, evil, sadistic, abusive person I have ever known. Not to mention, their little girl, Kalissa, is stuck in the middle of it all. Brian wants to let Marlene have everything except his truck and Kalissa.

She is so evil, she may get too much custody of Kalissa, and Brian wants full. Marlene puts her other 4 kids in the possession of drug dealers and felons and child molesters, and she still serves a good chance of getting at least half custody. Marlene plots and gets away with murder.

This is killing him, and in turn, killing me. I know I am a strong person, but I don't know how much more of this I can handle if the divorce doesn't happen soon. I always said I would never date a man who was ever married or had children, and I just happen to find the man of my dreams that has to be in the thick of a nasty divorce, who just happens to be everything I ever wanted or needed in a man.

I am frustrated and a little heartbroken, because I am not sure he understands how much this is affecting me. It will be nice to leave for 3 weeks and be away from the stress of it all, although I am going to probably cry every day I am away because I will miss him so much.

I know I have talked retardedly in the past about men and dating and 'the one'..... But I know in my heart of hearts that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.