oh what a night

A few weeks ago I emailed and old friend from when I was in the Army on active duty.
He found me on Myspace a while back and I have to say when I saw he found me, I felt my heart drop a bit. His name is Mick and we instantly became friends when we met at the beer garden in Texas at the Air Force base I was stationed at. I knew early on he was sweet on me, but I didn't do anything about it, nor did he.

We, he phoned me this evening, and we talked for over 2 and a half hours. It was quite lovely. I don't know if back in the day I had true feelings for him, but I think after a long while that I maybe did, and was too scared to do anything about it. I am pretty sure I was worried about losing him as a friend if anything went awry.

So, this evening started out okay, talking the usual catching up bit, and then I realized he had been drinking. Not a big deal, as I drink in the evening myself. BUT- he did proclaim that he was in fact, desperately infatuated with me and I quote 'would have gone balls to the wall' on me if the chance had arisen. NOW-I do believe he still means that if he had the chance, he would still take up on it, and I think I would go for it.

He told me that there hadn't been a time passed 98 that he hadn't thought of me, and this makes me a little sad, since I know the feeling. I felt that way about Sean, and God knows now what he is up to, and I don't think I will ever know.

The weirder thing is that Mick said some things tonight that were almost direct quotes from the first time Sean and I talked since we'd last seen each other in 98.
A few differences were that Mick says he loves me. DO I believe it? Yes. But I think he is having a case of the lonlies and I just happen to be someone he would feel better talking to. I know he always was a little sweet on me. I love him too, but in the friend way, and the little crush I always had on him stayed my feelings. I hope one day he knows I never forgot about him either. We got our first tattoos together :)

Another almost exact thing Mick did was beg me to come to Maryland and 'be' with him. In addition, he wished to go to NYC. Another creepy coincidence, since 2.5 years ago, I was talking to Sean about the very same thing.

So, if I go to MD, would I be doing the same thing I did when I went out to CA for Sean? I think not, but the similarities are way too odd. I was already thinking about a travel assignment to MD after AK, and then meeting up with Mick anyhow. So whats keeping me? I think the apprehension is clear. I don't want to get fucked over again, and I know if I go over there, we will hook up, etc... But to what extent will things go? I guess time will tell, and I have 3 more moths to sit on it.

He fell asleep I assume while we were talking, and I told him good night, although I don't know if he was coherent enough to hear or acknowledge me. I sent him a text msg goodnight, and I think I will send him an email too just so he doesn't forget.

I haven't spoken with him since 1998 or 1999. Amazing how 10 years can change a person, and what can happen to someone in that amount of time.

Being the silly foolish girl I am, I kinda want this to be it. I want it to work. I have failed miserably in the love department, and something tells me that if things worked out, something cool could come of all of this. Of course, I am a stupid girl, and I think like this alot.

We'll see.

Christmas Eve used to be the best part of the holidays. Waiting up all night to hear if Santa had come in yet. I remember one year my sister and I were up at midnight when we discovered the presents under the tree. We got to open our presents right then, much to our parents dismay

I want those days back. I hate this bloody holiday. I want to go home.

again, I am profoundly surprised

Yes, for sure I know now, that I am totally over Jamie. It only took me sooooo long, but I am so glad I can finally get it off my chest.

I am writing. Not the story I had originally wanted to write, but a story noe the less that will have people unknowingly understand my pain.

I plan to write a book about the challenges I faced as child from being picked on, but I will get to that when I am done with my current novel.

I'm in th emood to clean today, and I am glad I feel better about myslef.

dear jamie

I am so over you, and I couldn't be happier. I hope I get to see you soon, but I am happy that now I no longer have any emotional clutches.

crazy

I am secretly planning a move in one year to London if I don't find love and satisfaction here in the states. I am tired of Americans in general.

There. I said it. I just may actually do it.

I will be a bride some day. If that doesn't happen, there is no use for me being here. I dream of him. I don't know what he looks like, what his name is, how old, how tall. I know nothing. I just know that I am a deserving person, and that some day he will find me.

because i stalk

http://www.acp.edu/PDFs/PostscriptSpring2003.pdf

lately

I have been thinking alot about Sean and Jamie alot.

I have exchanged a few emails with Jamie since he has been in Iraq. I have had increased feelings for him lately, and I think the prime suspect is time alone to think. I just have way too much of it.

So I decided to write him a letter. A long letter. I bought a smaller sized spiral notebook the other day, and I have been writing in it almost daily my thoghts about us, and my feelings to him, as a form of therapy. I can't bring myself to tell him my true feelings, so writing it down on paper takes a load off. Maybe one day I'll give it to him. WHo knows?

I need to do the same for Sean. I just hope that if I can do all this so-called therapy, one day when I am not thinking about it too much, the REAL Mr Right will appear, and I can laugh at all my nonsense.

Of course, I am mad at the both of them for allowing me to be led by a string, but in the same right I did it to myslef. I have NO reaqson WHATSOEVER to have feelings for either of these men. Just so happens, I do anyways because I have nothing else better to do.

FUCK!!!!!!!!

Why is that when I tell people my guidlines for a man that I would be interested are, they tell me I will be single for a long time?

My requirements are:

never married
never widowed
never divorced
no children
no older than 5 years my senior

Why is that people think there is no such man? Why am I the last of my friends to be in a good relationship, not married yet, or having kids? I have several friends, and even though I love them dearly, I am still insanely jealous of them for having something that I know most of them take for granted.

dream

So, I am dreaming of being in some weird restaraunt, and I am at the counter organzing my purse, and there is Sean, standing there, but not looking directly at me. I drop my things after I notice him, and instead of saying anything, I look him in the face with disbelief, and I throw my arms around him and his him as best I can. After his iniial 2 seconds of shock, he throws his arms around me and kisses me passionately in return.

I asked him why he was there, and in my dream, he said, "I felt you. I didn't know it was you I was feeling, but I knew something was here for me."

We gathered my belongings, he ate some M&M's, and he held my hand and we walked outside.

We didn't talk much in this dream. We held hands walking down the sidewalk and ended up sitting on a bench in a park, watching some performance about gardening.

Then the alarm went off. My fairytale was over.

I also had a bizzare dream last night involving my whole family. We were all at a fancy seafood place that in real life, doesn't exist. But in my dreams, it is a really good restaraunt and I really ove the place, but the last time I was there I didn't get to eat my entree. I don't remember why.

But in this dream, we are at this eatery for my birthday. my whole family including me is shit-faced drunk and my Mom and my sister end up flashing everyone. I throw a huge fit and they end up getting me arrested. After I a released they try to throw a suprise party for me to make it up, but I get really upset again and cut y hand pretty bad and end up having to go to the hospital to get it stitched up.

Then there was a piece about me in a theatre, and some pirate ship coming out for all to view and when it came out it bounced on the water like a hydraulic car.

My mind is weird.

mistake?

Wow, I have been making many lately. I think I made a HUGE one.

I got a chihuahua from the pound on Thursday. She's super sweet, and loveable. I just think she's too much for Chloe adn I am considering taking her back or finding someone I know to take her. I have a bad feeling that it won't ework out and might get dangerous between her adn the cat, adn I am scared one of them might get hurt in a fight.

The dog is already costing too much money. I spent 105 for the adoption, and over 200 already for doggie things and such.

I am wishing I havdn't done it, and that I should have listened to my Mom. I am going to ask a lady tomorrow if she wants her. Her name is Barb, and she already has a rat terrier, and she doesn't like it being alone. I mihgt have a good handle to work on here. I would only ask for the adoption fee amount, and I would give her the food and stuff, adn try to get a refund on whatever I could from PetSmart, since they have a pretty good return policy.

I am going to pray that all this works out.

In a perfect world, CHole would like other animals and this wouldn't be a problem.

I am just really ashamed and don't want to tell my mom. I hate to say it, but I am going to give this until Wednesday. If this does not pan out the way I want it to, I will take the dog back (if Barb doesn't want her)and tell Mom and everyone that I think would scold me that CHloe hissed, and the dog tried to bite her and that was the end of it. Sounds like a believable enough story I think.

I hope this works out the way it was supposed to be, and no matter what the dog gets a good home.

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I am afraid

That I am going to die alone.
I am scared that I am 28 and I will never get married. I am sad I am depressed and I don;t know if I'll ever overcome it.
I hate my life.
I am angry that my hopes and dreams for California ended up as horseshit, and I am miserable in the one place I have always wanted to live.
I am mad at the men I have tried to become close to.
Sean, I am mad I ever wanted to be out here because of you. And I am even more mad that you failed to inform me that you wouldn't be here after I drove 3000 excitedly just to see you.
David, you are the nicest asshole. Thanks for a lovely dinner, and fuck you for being a liar and a coward and not having enough balls to tell me you weren't interested in hanging out again. I was only looking for friends, so that's your fucking loss.

I AM TIRED OF BEING SO ANGRY AND JEALOUS ALL THE TIME. I WANT GOD TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.

kill me now

I am sick and tired of being overweight. What kills me more is that I have become so lazy that I am finding excuses not to go and work out, go walking, or a good reason not to eat that donut.

I feel my belly growing daily, and I always just want to buckle down and cry. I feel like I am at the point of no return. If I start now, it may be for nothing.

I have been sick ever since I have quit smoking. Upper respiratory or GI something or other. I have been increasingly depressed. I cry all the time.

I'm homesick. I hate everyone. People piss me off so easily.

Oh yeah, and I haven't been taking my medications. A sort of boycott if you will. I am so pissed that I have to take them.

What bothers me the most is the fact that I have every resource out there to utilize dealing with my shortcomings. Why aren't there any options to get rid of what hurts you, instead of learning just how to 'deal' with it.

I still secretly wish for cancer every day so I can go on treatment and lose weight. Of course, a type of cancer that doesn't include oral steroids.

I ask God every day why I have to be like this. I don't understand. I don't want kids anymore because I don;t feel I have anything good to genetically pass down to them.

Let's see:
depression
ADD
obesity
alcoholism
anxirty

The only thing good I can pass on is a pretty face for about 25 years until the elements and the world turn against her.

I fucking HATE THIS! WIll someone please take it all away?

thanks olivia

My recruiter sends me and email this morning.

Call me today, I'm worried about you.


I'm FUCKING FINE!

I am pissed off at David

I sent him an email on Sunday, and I still haven't heard back from him. I hope he has a good time in AK, but then soon after gives me a call and we can get together again. I'm just hurting for friends and fighting boredom.

Thank you, Art Marr

So I was talking to one of my patients yesterday about a subject we are both fond of: MOVIES!

We usually discuss what ones are our favorites, what we would like to see, etc...

Then I told him how I like to go to movies at the theatre by myself.

His automatic response cut into what I was saying.

"There is no reason why a woman like you should ever go to the movies alone. I can't understand how any man has ever passed you up!"

I could have cried. I am thinking about it now, kinda sad. the only thing I could tell him that I knew was true was that nice men don't ask me out. Nice men aren't interested in me.

I feel like there is something I am doing wrong. I know I am not as social as I would like to be out in CA. I thought I was going to have more friends than this. I was so excited to get up here and meet new people. I thought I had it all figured out because I would be hanging out with Sean, and that would be the start and solution to everything I needed as far as companioned comfort here in CA.

I didn't see it coming that he was already to be back in NY byt the time I got here in CA.

When I had started to give up on him, I went on Craig's List just to see what would happen if I solicited a woman seeking man ad. I got so many responses, it blew me away. there was one guy I was interested in that seemed to be promising that I had gotten enough courage to go and meet, and he dropped off the face of the Earth.

I realized I had this open invitation to hang out with David, so I opted to see what he would do. After about 2 months of email tag, we finally hung out 2 weeks ago for the first time.

He seemed so perfect. Handsome, nice manners, excellent vocabulary, good conversationalist, although I felt like I was on a job interview since he kept asking question after question...

Well, I heard one sentence from him since, and now nothing more than a week later.

I know he is going to Alaska next week for the Iditarod. I am way jealous, and I was hoping that would be a great tie for us to continue talking. I still think he is a busy guy and doesn't have much time. Although I know if a guy is interested, it doesn't matter, he'll call. I just keep praying that if nothing works out with David, a nice guy will finally come my way.

I confess

I admit something now, that I will probably look back on and shake my head.

I actually was motivated to quit smoking to have a chance with David, more than or my health.

My mom's recent heart surgery wasn't enough to shock me out of quitting. But a man was the reason. Not a guy I was in a committed relationship with, but one I had only met once.

WTF is wrong with me?

I know I did it in part to help my mom quit, but the sadness is, I am disappointed in myself that I couldn't have done this on my own earlier.

I am hoping that my Mom, Jess, Weez, and Dad all can quit on the Chantix like I have.

I hope if David ever finds out that I quit smoking because of him how much of an honor that is.

finally gonna do it

I am going to go to Long's and get some comp books. I am finally going to write my story. I figure I'll do it in the form of letters. Letters to people I have always wanted to say things to. This will also be a good form of therapy I think.

I am a very good letter writer. I may not hve the widest of vocabularies, but I do get my point across, and I do it well.

I've also decided to leave David alone.

It took him almost 5 weeks to meet up with me after I firs made the suggestion. It also took him almost 3 just to respond to the first of the emails I started to send him.

It took im 36 hours to respond to a thank you email.

He still hasn't responded to an emai I sent yeserday asking th epeople I knwo in the area where a good ER or urgent care center is.

If he's not interested romantically, fine. Don't dis a person you just met.

if he's being silent to give me te hint, he can fuck himself. And he's some sort of savant hacker, so if David, you are reading this, keep reading. You're a scum for prying into my business.

I am a lonely person, and I have way too much time on my hands.

I am ready for a romantic relationship, but I am also taking friend applications as well. I fnd yu attractive, smart, and intimidating in a good way. I figure ou're a really busy guy, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. I'm just going to quit for now trying to contact you. I think at this time in our lives we are polar opposites as far as time on our hands.

If you ever wanna hang out, gimme a call or an email. Most likely I'll be free.

done for?

So, I am sick today, and I sent out a safe email to the people in CA who live close enough to help me. David included. So far, I have not recieved an email from anyone. I guess eveyone is out enjoying the holiday except me.

I hope that the one liner email I got from David last week wasn't the last.

I can't be stuck here in CA with 2 friends to hang out with and that's it.

Corissa drives me crazy adn Nicole is so unpredictable, I really don't know when we could hang out.

wow

I just woke up after about 20-22 hours of sleep to find myself with a headache, started mt period, and still no response from David. Although I am doing what is best for meby reading He's Just Not That Into You, and finding alot of things in there that apply to him, I am still gonna give him a try and see what happens.
I want to ask him out sometime next week, and see if I can discuss AK with him since he says he is going in a few weeks for the Iditarod.
I know how to weasel into his business to try and get more interaction with him.

I have this feeling that he is really occupied by his business and has little time for other things sometimes. IE-dating, hanging out with new friends when there are old ones that dont take effort andtime to get to know.

I am not making excuses for him! I just have afeeling about how his life is. For all I know, I could be way wrong, and I could be making an ass out of myself right now for all this.

It all b oils down to the fact that I hate being single and I will keep hoping that each new uy will be the last I have to pursue. I am 28 years old, and I am scared of being single for the rest of my life.

I have been having suicidal thoughts

I had a really bad day today.
This all started at the beginning of my week after my date with David.
I came home with a renewed sence of motivation to become a healthier person and to quit smoking.
Yes, in some sort of weird way, I would be doing this all for a guy, but in the mean time it would really help with my self esteem.

My self esteem.
Big joke.

I am happy with who I am on the inside. I am funny, smart, charming, attractive. I know I am a good person. I love what I do for a living. I know I make people feel better. SO why can't I be happy just the way I am?

I am figured out that I have way too much free time here in CA> I have very few friends, and even fewer to hang out with. I have Corissa, but our schedules are so different, that we don't get to spend much time together.




I have been able to link all of my adult issues with what I had gone through as a pre-teen and early teen.
When I was 11, I was picked on and beaten up by several of the kids in my class in the 6th grade.

I have realized that my need for attention, my outspoken behavior, my sense of humor, my earlier years of promiscuity have all stemmed from that.

I also have abandonment issues due to the fact that my teachers and administrators didn't help fix the situation. I know my parents went through hell and back trying to get some resolve out of the situation, and they had to give up too.

On top of all that, I have battleing eating disorder since I was 16 years old.

I think my problem with staying in my bad adult romantic relationships is because of this too. Even though I know they were bad boyfriends and not good for me, I stayed with them as long as I could no matter how sad I was because I wanted to have a sense of feeling loved and part of a loving relationship. Even though I was probably miserable at the time. This is probably a big reason why I had such a hard time getting over Jamie for so long.


Going back to the title. I have had so much free and alone time since I have been here in CA, that I think WAY too much.

I know I am only really thinking about this since I have had such a rotten aweful day. I only slept for 2.5 hours, woke up, and had a hard time trying to go back to sleep. I found myself getting upset, and I called my mother. I ended up crying hysterically and had a really hard time calming down. Before I called her I took a half a mg of xanax to help.

Mom said she was worried about me wanting to kill myself. I have made some comments to her lately which have been wuite alarming, and I can't blame her.

I wa having some really bad time with my reflux, and I couldn't get it under control. I was secretly hoping I had some type of stomach or esophageal cancer so that I could be sick and lose weight. I still wish I could have surgery and have half my stomach removed so I could lose weight. As far as I am concerned, my physical body has been the reason for most of my mental illness, and that shit should be covered by insurance if you ask me.

I am extremely jealous of my mom since she has lost about 20 lbs since she had her open heart surgery, adn of course she wasn't trying.

I have been dieting since I have been in CA. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't Ilose weight by eating healthier? I am eating 3 types of diet pills, 3 times a day. So far I have noticed a slight difference in my apetite, and I feel the need to force myslf to eat. I have Taco Bell tonight as a comfort food, since I deserve it because I have had such a bad day today.

Now here's what I am feeling. I have been thinking of killing myself, but I knwo that I could not carry it out. I have a patient right now that is completely blind because he tried to shoot himself in the head. I don't want to take that risk, plus I don't want to risk missing a shot at going to heaven if it really pissed God off that much.

I hjave thought that if maybe I had a broken bone or something I could get a little sympathy. Maybe if I cut myself on purpose but made it look like an accident
somewhere bad enough to where I needed stitches I would feel better. People cut themselves all the time, and even though it's a problem, it makes them feel better.

A big problem that is my fault id that I quit taking my Cymbalta and got a script from my doc for Zoloft. I am probably going through cymbalta withdrawel, and I knwo that when I have gone through it before I have been this way. I also started taking Chantix the other day, adn I have heard some pretty weird stories about how people had mentally changed and some had tried to kill themselves.

If I am still feeling luike this a week after I see my Mom, wich is in 2 weeks, I will have myself checked into a psych facility. I really need therapy. But of course, the one thing I want that I feel could fix everything is if I had a boyfriend. If I could be happy with some one, I would be spending less time alone, and in a positive environment.

Of course I lied to my MOm and told her I was taking the Zoloft already, when in actualiity, I haven't gotten the script filled yet. If I can remember, I need to go to Targeyt tomorrow and have my meds filled.

I also ensured Mom that I was taking the medicine. I think I am PMSing as well, so of course all of this is just becoming a mountain out of a mole hill.

I keep wishing it would all go away. I keep praying to God for him to help me. I am not mad at him, I just don't understand why he is testing me.

Mom wants me to leave CA and move back home. Truth be told, I lied to her about one of the reasons why I wanted to stay here. I am hoping that this whole thing with David is just the stupid BS beginning of realy dating, and that we could have a nice and happy relationship. Him or anyone really. I just know that the situation would be great if something good developed because I know he is wealthy (which is not the reason I like him) and if there were ever to be a situation where I could move in, I could save money, he could take care of me, I could get a part time job, adn I could go back to school and not have to move back in with my parents.

Mom is so desparate for me to move back. I just have a guy feeling that if I stay a little longer, something, I don't know what, but something really good will happen to me and I don't want to leave just yet because I don't want to miss out on what I feel is out there for me.

If I left in May, after this assignment is over and I couldn't geta new one, I promised her that I would move back home. I would at least be closer to Susie and my family, but I would feel like a failure that I couldn't achieve anything ehile I was out here in CA. I would feel like I would be giving up or something. Even quitting. Those are 2 things I don't ever want to do. I don't want to be labled a quitter. NEVER.

I do, however keep finding myself screaming on the inside that I want to go home. But where? Home to my apartment here in CA? Where I find myself saying I want to go home the most?
Home to TN, with Mom and Dave?
Home to STL, with the rest of my family and move in with Dad until I get my shit together?

Mom had mentioned that she was going to call Dr. Phil. I think I might look that up myself. I would hope that if I did end up going on the show that people wouldn't recognize me, adn that I could get the therapy I needed and that maybe, just maybe, he could give me the money I needed to go to school or something like that. They do it on his show from time to time and so does Oprah. If I got a financial handout, I think I would be more willing to give up travelling to go back to school. One could only hope and pray that I could have that happen to me. Nothing like that never does.

you gotta be kidding me

So, I tried to start a new entry last night regarding my date with David. I am still trying to debate whether he thought it was a date or just meeting someone new. I have to say I am quite interested in hime, but I am still in a fog as to how to read this guy.

I was told by several of my gf and my Mom that I shouldn't call or email him, and wait for him to contact me first. To be honest, I don't want to live with regrets, and I hate playing the dating games.

Who calls who first?
Who makes the first move?
Blah.

Well, like I said, I didn't want to have any regret, which is why I asked to see if he was interested in meeting up some time in the first place. He was all game, since he is the first one to say he was willing to show me around.

ANyhow, I thought the date was a success, we hit it off, had lot's to talk about.

My inpatient self was kind of hoping I would have an email waiting for me when I got home from him telling me he had a good time etc...

No.

So, I took my friend Holly's advice and I emailed him. I said thanks for sinner, I had a good time, it was nice to meet you and I hope to talk to you soon. I sent this at about 830P last night, and when I got up today, I got a response.

At first I smiled and was very anticipant to see what he had to say in response.

This is what I got Back-

Sarah,
It was very nice meeting you too!

-David

WTF?

How the hell do you read that? I fucking hate this. The only thing I really want is a nice guy that likes me and treats me nice. He seems to be a guy with real manners, and a non sleaze-bag.

If he is just trying to be nice, I would have rather him be a complete dick and not respond at all.

How am I going to follow up with this?

What a fucking week.

I would like to ask him out to dinner or bowling or something, but for some reason, this guy intimidates me. Not in a bad way. But sionce I can't read him, it's hard for me to see if I should ven muster up any guts to even try.

I am going to wait a few days. I am going to meet up with my friend Nicole tomorrow, and I have Saturday off. Maybe I can be ballsy enough to see if he'd be interested in bowling. I dunno.

I am so sick and tired of being single.

date?

I am sitting here at work, waiting to get off, so I can go to the store, get some razors, a pair of balck slacks that fit, and get ready in enough time for a proposed date with a guy I met on the internet, David.

Long story short, I met him online while I was still in Alaska, and we had discussed meeting when I was to get here in CA in October. I blew off the idea, since I was to be with Sean, having all the stupid dreams and plans in my head that had gone awry. I forgot about him for a while, and then I decided to contact him and see if he still wanted to meet up at some point in time. Well, tonight is supposed to be the night.

I haven't heard from him since Thursday night. I sent an email this morning to see if tonight was still on, and I have yet to hear from him.

I am going to hold up my end of the bargain. I will be at Sapore-Italiano in Burlingame at 7PM. I am hoping that I won't get stod up again, as I was stood up technically by Sean. Only time will tell.

I have to work nights tomorrow night and Thurday and Friday from MN to 8AM. I am sure I will have plenty of time to type away with all of my thoughts and experiences for this week.

since i told you its over

Black and blue from the wind and the rain
Said I'm sorry for the lies and the pain
I never ever meant to make you cry
If I could take you back, you know, I would,
I wanna burn up and die

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line
That you're never, ever gonna get over me

You've seen a cross, it's a cross I bear
You're drinking, hard up, living without a hope or a care
You're making do to please, see what makes you smile
You're not around for long, you gotta see what's gonna move your life right along

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line
That you're never, ever gonna get over me

I'm lost
I'm cold
I'm getting old
My head is filled with lies I told

I've been down
I've been around
But I've fallen on my own two feet
And I've left you out to drown
I never meant for that

I look around, sometimes I stare
I think back now and then, I hope you know I care
I walked away that day, trying to treat you right
But you were on your track, it was me turning back, I left you freezing outside

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line
That you're never, ever gonna get over me
Never get over me
Never get over me

But you were on your track, it was me turning back, I left you freezing outside

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line (to fade)