Well, 2009 is starting off alot better than 2008, and definitely better than I had hoped for.

I am in Nome right now, as I will be for the next 2 months. I am still talking to Mick weekly, except, I will probably not be able to talk to him for a while since he has had to go home to England to be with his family as his mother is undergoing a total colectomy 2nd to colon cancer.

In the meantime, I have been seeing Brian. I met him in October when I got back to Nome. He is my friend Missy's older brother, and at the time he was dating someone. I found out at Halloween that they had broken up, and this was semi exciting to me since I had developed a crush on him. To me he is quite handsome, and he makes me laugh. I didn't pursue anything at the time, as I knew he had just been through a breakup, and I was uncomfortable with the fact that he was my friend's older brother.

So, I went home for 5 weeks at Xmas time, and decided that even though I was to try to get to know Mick as well as I could, I would try to pursue taking care of my sexual and physical, and maybe romantic and emotional needs. I had always flirted with Brian, and it didn't go anywhere. A few weeks ago, I got his phone number from Missy and texted him to come and meet us at the bar. He came within minutes, and earlier that night I confessed to Missy that I had a crush on him. She seemed amused and ok with it all, and I felt ok to go ahead and see where it could go. She did say that "he would like that" meaning he would like to know what I thought. I got really sick at the bar that night, so I did not get very far that night.

Well, last Saturday night I texted him again to come to the bar NOW, and he was there again, within minutes of my text. I was pretty inebriated, and prepared for whatever the night was to bring for I had taken a second shower and shaved everywhere. I managed to go home with him, where we then hooked up and my year and a half dry spell of no sex ended. I stayed over of course, waking up not knowing where the hell I was.

It was kind of nice since he let me sleep on his futon and he gave me a blanket and a pillow. I didn't hear from him again until this passed Wednesday when we texted each other a few times. Before we left each others presence, we sort of agreed that that night shouldn't be the last of it...

Well, we texted each other over the next week and met up again last Friday. We were at Breakers drinking, having a good time. I ended up sitting on his lap, and we kissed a few times, then left to go back to his house, with everyone seeing us together. I was a little freaked out since he kissed me in public, but a little excited at the same time since it was a simple proclamation that he's not ashamed to be with me in public, let alone not afraid of people seeing us together.

We didout thing a few times that night, and it was actually really awesome, so I was glad about that. I woke up the next day to his snoring.....loudly... I rustled about for a while, then settled in on his futon for a nap an hour later. After I woke up I layed there for a few minutes, thinking about everything just going on. I was a little cold so I crawled in bed with him telling him I was cold, so he snuggled with me and he instantly fell back asleep. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. Aside from his snoring that wasn't helping, the butterflies in my stomach were holding my z's away from me.

We hung out for the day, and it was great. He did little things like signals to make me feel like he really likes me. I'm too winded with typing right now to list them, but it was great getting the attention while sober, and it seemed sincere.

We went to go eat, but first I had to go to my place and change and freshen up a bit. So we landed back at the 14 Plex, but Missy wasn't there. Brain and Missy's mom was! Needless to say I was embarrassed. But we went to lunch/dinner at Milano's, then back to his place and had a good time. It came time for me to come home, so he drove me back to my apartment. He kissed me goodbye, which just cemented alot for me. It's what I was waiting for, and I got it.

We've texted a bit since, but not enough for my liking. I know h works for a company in town that will probably have him off on Monday for the holiday, so I am going to see if he would hang out or something Sunday night.

I already have plans with Missy to hang out with her and Hollyn, since she will be getting into town. Hopefully, I can get Brian in the mix. I will be on call until 11 PM, so I will have to remain sober, which is what I would like to do anyways so I don't get into any predicaments drunk, plus I would like for Brian (if he shows up) to see me sober so he doesn't think I only like him while I am drinking which is SO NOT WHAT IT IS!

I liked him (technically) last year when I met him, even though I knew he was with someone. I wasn't going to pursue anything, because I am not that kind of girl. He became single, so I went for it. Of course, this is a weird predicament I am in now considering Brian is still married to his should-be ex-wife Marlene, who now knows Brian and I are...(whatever we are, I can't really say we're dating)

I would like to officially be dating him, since I really like him but of course at this stage of the game, he is in control whether he knows it or not. The hardest things right now are the facts that I have no official idea how he feels about me, although I have a feeling he does, but I am not 100% about it, and I don't know if I will be able to stay longer than just 2 more months.

Then there is the pondering of whether or not the 2 things will e'en work together. Me staying here, and potentially having a relationship. My worst problem is the fact that I am thinking way too much about it. I would just like for once for things to work out the way that I want.

I am tired of being single. I don't like the fact that I didn't have sex for over a year and a half, and that I have been single for over 5 years. I am scared of being single, and losing the chances of having kids and a life not knowing what that would be like.