Christmas Eve used to be the best part of the holidays. Waiting up all night to hear if Santa had come in yet. I remember one year my sister and I were up at midnight when we discovered the presents under the tree. We got to open our presents right then, much to our parents dismay

I want those days back. I hate this bloody holiday. I want to go home.

again, I am profoundly surprised

Yes, for sure I know now, that I am totally over Jamie. It only took me sooooo long, but I am so glad I can finally get it off my chest.

I am writing. Not the story I had originally wanted to write, but a story noe the less that will have people unknowingly understand my pain.

I plan to write a book about the challenges I faced as child from being picked on, but I will get to that when I am done with my current novel.

I'm in th emood to clean today, and I am glad I feel better about myslef.

dear jamie

I am so over you, and I couldn't be happier. I hope I get to see you soon, but I am happy that now I no longer have any emotional clutches.

crazy

I am secretly planning a move in one year to London if I don't find love and satisfaction here in the states. I am tired of Americans in general.

There. I said it. I just may actually do it.

I will be a bride some day. If that doesn't happen, there is no use for me being here. I dream of him. I don't know what he looks like, what his name is, how old, how tall. I know nothing. I just know that I am a deserving person, and that some day he will find me.

because i stalk

http://www.acp.edu/PDFs/PostscriptSpring2003.pdf

lately

I have been thinking alot about Sean and Jamie alot.

I have exchanged a few emails with Jamie since he has been in Iraq. I have had increased feelings for him lately, and I think the prime suspect is time alone to think. I just have way too much of it.

So I decided to write him a letter. A long letter. I bought a smaller sized spiral notebook the other day, and I have been writing in it almost daily my thoghts about us, and my feelings to him, as a form of therapy. I can't bring myself to tell him my true feelings, so writing it down on paper takes a load off. Maybe one day I'll give it to him. WHo knows?

I need to do the same for Sean. I just hope that if I can do all this so-called therapy, one day when I am not thinking about it too much, the REAL Mr Right will appear, and I can laugh at all my nonsense.

Of course, I am mad at the both of them for allowing me to be led by a string, but in the same right I did it to myslef. I have NO reaqson WHATSOEVER to have feelings for either of these men. Just so happens, I do anyways because I have nothing else better to do.