okay so here's the lowdown on what's pissing me off right now

So, for a few months now, I have been 'talking' to a new friend of mine whom I met through my friend Steve. It is his cousin, Kit. I met him in person at a bar called Croc's in Oakville 2 years ago. I didn't think much of him because I was awestruck by Steve and his ridiculous good looks.

Well, time passed, I moved to Memphis area, and reconnected with Steve via MySpace. At first, I was retardedly enamoured by him, his personality, his good looks, and the fact that I idolized him in high school. He was very popular, and everyone liked him. We worked together at Steak N' Shake, and he was nice to me, so I felt like I fit in more when I was in HS, and I am eternally grateful for that.

But back to the story at hand. I made 'friends' with Kit on MySpace as well. We had chatted and emailed and responded to each others posted bulletins. Whatever. Well, over the last few months, more so the month and a half before I left for the lower 48, we had been emailing e/o maybe 3-5 a day, leaving comments for e/o and commenting on e/o pics on our profile. I was starting to crush on him. From what I saw in pics, he was really cute, and I really enjoyed his personality and sense of humor. It also seemed like we had alot of the same social and political views.

Well, from viewing his profile, there were no pics of any females. No mention of a lady in his life, but it said 'in a relationship'. I actually thought it was an oversight on his part. I had called Steve to make sure he was still gonna be my date to my 10 year reunion, and he mentioned that KIT WAS ENGAGED!!!! Needless to say I was quite shocked at this news. My response was "I didn't even know he had a girlfriend!" So anyhow, I am kinda let down, but not too bad, since what was I gonna do? He had a gf, but was quite adamant about hanging out when I was to come into town.

Well, I forgot, but a week later I told him congrats on the engagement. He surprised me by telling me she flipped out and cancelled on the whole thing. He then went into rebound mode. He was being quite forward (trying to make it all look like a joke), but asking me if I wanted a "stunt cock" (not really smooth) and 'jokes' referencing to rebounding on both our behalves. Oh well, I kinda liked it. I was still crushing on him a little, and I was thinking that maybe this might turn out to be something good out of all of this.

We talked a few times while I was in town (STL) and met up the Thursday I was there. I ended up meeting him at a friend's house. It was a lot of fun , and we talked quite a bit. We had to crash there cause neither one of us was in a condition to drive anywhere. We ended up sleeping on the floor in this guys room in the basement, with him sleeping in his bed maybe 6 or so feet away.

Well, one thing led to another, and we were hot and heavy for a while. But the 2 of us were so retarded drunk that the coordination was off. Next thing I know, I am waking up, and getting ready to leave.

Kit walks me to my car, gives me a hug, and drives ahead of me to lead me out of the subdivision we were in.

We made plans via email for him to meet me up at the Way Out Club and see my friends' band play. After being there the whole night and no Kit, I had begun to think I had been stood up.

I get a phone call at 3 AM from Kit: he had gotten arrested for setting off illegal firecrackers in someones mailbox. Mature, yeah I know. Anyhow, he called to apologize for being stupid and missing out on the evening. We talked for a good hour and he had me rolling laughing with his sense of humor. We departed on the phone on fantastic terms, and had made plans for him to meet up with Steve and I after the reunion.

WELL... The next night again, he is a no show. I get an email later from him saying that he had a friend pass away, and that he was truly sorry he had missed out on meeting up with us.

We exchange emails over the next few days, and every time I see a message from him on MySpace, I smile and giggle a little. I posted the pic of us the night we hung out, and he even commented on it twice. A few days later, he posted the same pic! Not once had I ever seen a pic of a girl on his profile. The headline was "The Swartz is with me". I was quite flattered, and this of all things made me very hopeful. Well, the 1st of July rolls around, and I am playing on the computer and I went to sent him a comment, and his profile is set to private and I had been deleted from his friends list. And not to mention, right before this, I was in his top friends.

So, I think, well this is just a silly little mistake. SO I put in a new friends request and mailed him a message. No response. I waited a few more days, and put in a new request, no reply. He read the new email I sent him though, and no response.

WTF?!?!?!?!

No explanation? Nothing? He even deleted himself from subscribing to my blog! This hurts really bad. For the first time in 3 years I really like someone based on their personality more than looks, and it seems like everything is going to be ok, and I get fucked over like this.

I mentioned it to Steve, and all he could say is that it was rude. I know he won't meddle in it because he's not the type. Kit's family, I'm just a friend. I would love to talk to Steve about it, but who knows, maybe he had something to say to Kit that had him make the decision to delete me. Who knows.

I am still trying to cope with all this since it is quite a blow to my self esteem. Great. I feel like I am gonna be single forever. Hopefully I can find some type of resolve in all of this, who knows.

I am planning on calling him sometime this week and see if I can talk to him about it. I have a feeling he wouldn't answer the phone, so I would have to leave a message. But then I am trying to think of what I would even say to his voicemail if that were the case. I am currently awaiting tips from friends on what I should do/say. I'm sure there will be a whole new blog when that comes around. But until then, I am going to be adult, calm and reasonable for this situation, even though it really makes me upset to think about any of it. Just sucks that I really liked this person, and I know for sure he liked me too.

My only thought as to what was going on is that his ex-fiance is back in the picture, found out about us, and was forced to boot me from his life. Hopefully, I will be able to find out this week when I get the nerve to call him.

disappointment

What I kinda feel like right now. Minus the fighting reference...

"Disappointment"
by: The Cranberries

A disappointment. Oh, you shouldn't have done, You couldn't have done, You wouldn't have done the things you did then. And we could've been happy. What a piteous thing, A hideous thing was tainted by the rest, But it won't get any harder, And I hope you'll find your way again. And it won't get any higher, And it all boils down to what you did, Then... [X 8]In the night we fight, I fled, you're right. It was exactly then, it was exactly then, I decided, decided, decided, decide. Oh, that threw you out. In the night we fight, I fled, you're right. It was exactly then, it was exactly then, I decided, decided, decided, decided. Mmm... Mmmm... But it won't be any harder, And I hope you'll find your way again. And it won't get any higher, And it all boils down to what you did...

fuck, shit, piss

So, lemme just say, that MEN ARE A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!